Good day. It has been a long, strange while since I have seen you last. Just know that I miss you, want you, need you so.

I wrote a letter to the President as a way to satisfy a goal of making peaceful relations with foreign dignitaries. Well, I figured it would be a hassle to mail internationally/also I didn't know where to find Than Shwe's address/I didn't actually Google it/Dangnabbit I am lazy. OH WELL I'M SENDING IT WOOHOOO. I HOPE THEY SEND THE SECRET SERVICE AFTER ME.

AWW BALLSAC THAN SHWE STEPPED DOWN. OH WELL.

I'm going to print it on some cute paper, and maybe I will put that picture here instead of this nondescript text which you continue to read because you think I will say something worthwhile like "rainbow spewing volcanoes" or perhaps "sexy leprechaun midget pr0n."

5 November 2011

President Obama

1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW

Washington, DC 20500

Dearest Mr. President Obama Sir:

Are you currently aware of the injustices and atrocities being committed against our nation’s most beautiful and rare and secretive and delicious cryptozoological creature, the Shabu-RaMu? Me neither! Well, I hope you take time to support the cause by donating any spare “change” or something to the tune of $15 to fund my group’s conservation efforts (a.k.a. donating to our Five Guy’s lunch fund). Thanks so much for your concern. Let’s go play hoop.

With love, passion, and a firm handshake/fist bump,

Lawrence “Snickerdoodle” Schiebler